Bakura's first trip to the beach!
by Psycho BakuRyou
Summary: The continuation the casserole story. Watch as Ryou goes to the beach leaving Bakura poopy struck at the house BY HIMSELF! Will Bakura make it on his own...or will Ryou be forced to take him to the beach with him to ruin his relaxtion...obviously...Bakura


Bakura's first rip to the beach!

It was dawn. Bakura was laying in his bed moaning and groaning from the massive stomach ache he had from that 20 day old casserole. Ryou…was nowhere in sight.

"Ryou, you promised to take care of me!" Bakura cried.

"I didn't. Marik did." Ryou said.

"But I want you to take care of me Marik might make me worse…and blind." Bakura said sniffing.

"Well, it's your own fault if you hadn't waited 20 days to eat your casserole…which is by the way healthy for your colon—

"Yes for Ra's sake I know! It only told me 30 fucking billion times. And that fucking spinach…which is still haunting my dreams." Bakura said shuddering.

"Anyway, you wouldn't have had this huge stomach ache." Ryou finished.

"But, can you take care of me at least?" Bakura asked.

"You're fine stop being such a baby you know it was good." Ryou said.

"But I have symptoms. I'm green, I could hardly see—

"That's because Marik's in the room." Ryou interrupted.

"What the fuck get him out he's blinding me with his ugliness!" Bakura screamed.

"Hmph." Marik said angrily ordering his Yami to wheel him out. (He's still in the body cast for those of you whose brain doesn't function…quickly)

"As I was saying, I'm turning green, I all goose pimply, my hairs are on end, one of my eyes are bigger than the other—

"Everyone's like that. You have to have one nostril bigger than the other, one foot and leg and arm and…butt cheek." Ryou said.

"Thank you Mrs. Bakura." Bakura said.

Ryou slapped him.

"Can I finish with my symptoms? Thank you. Rude person always interrupting me." Bakura grumbled. "I'm turning green, I could hardly see, I'm goose pimply and…and…I have the poopies." Bakura said sniffing and crying.

"Aw…the poor baby do you want your first little potty training toilet that you still use because you're to scared of the big toilet because of what happened the last time you used it?" Ryou asked cooing.

:Bakura's flashback:

The day of the restaurant…

He had run home…the diarrhea making its way towards the…butt...hole. He didn't think he would make it and when he did…

"Oh yea…oh…yea." He said happily letting it all out.

Marik came out of his ass and he was almost blinded.

His ass got stuck in the toilet and he couldn't get it out.

Ryou…thus got the butter…and he slipped out.

:End flashback:

"That was not a nice experience! The crocodiles could have gotten to my butt. I love my butt." Bakura said rubbing his butt.

"That's nice." Ryou said inflating a beach ball.

"What's that?" Bakura asked.

"A ball." Ryou said.

"You yanked off your balls! Oh my ra! Wow…they look like something I'd see on maybe Marik." Bakura said looking at all the gay colors.

"No! Oh my god. A beach ball so you can play with it." Ryou said disgustedly.

"O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh!…………..What's a beach?" Bakura asked.

Ryou remembered the day at the restaurant and the ice skating rink.

"Nothing. It's a convention where smart people join and eat casserole and spinach." Ryou lied.

"Oh. Must suck ass." Bakura said.

"Hell yea it does. So…there's Pepto-Bismol in the medicine cabinet…don't kill yourself please. It's a pink bottle a pink—he started drawing what the bottle looked like—bottle with yellow letters that say really big "Pepto-Bismol." Say it with me Pepto-Bismol. Again Pep-to-bis-mol. Say it with me one…more time—Bakura joined in—Pepto-Bismol.

"You sound like the map…from that show lesbian the explorer. I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map…I'M THE MAP! After a fucking year ends he stops." Bakura said. He stayed quiet. "Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum…delicioso." Bakura said smiling.

"Good see you at…sun goes down at 7. 7 bye." Ryou said grabbing a beach bag some umbrellas and all that good stuff to go to the beach.

"Sure looks like a really gay convention. Seemed like a lot of…fun." Bakura said watching Ryou meet up with Marik.

Marik waved at him from the window.

"Ahhh! Ahh! My fucking eyes!" Bakura cried covering them.

"You're not taking Bakura to the beach?" Bakura heard Marik ask.

"No way are you crazy? If Bakura can't handle an ice skating rink or a restaurant imagine how he'll behave at the beach?" Ryou asked.

Marik started imagining and started hurting his head from thinking.

"Ryou…look pretty in red bikini." Marik said.

"O………k…………?" Ryou said freaked out.

Marik smiled innocently and pulled off his shirt.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! HOLY SHIT! MY EYES! I THINK I'VE LOST THEM! Ryou? Ryou! Oh my god I'm completely blind. Everything is so dark…where is everything?" Bakura asked. He took the covers off his head and saw light. "There it is!" He said happily.

It was quiet in the house…Bakura didn't think he would manage in the quiet.

"Oh…my stomach hurts like a bitch. What's that thing…Ryou told me to drink? Pesticides? Planetarium? Pep-to-bis-mol? No it's not pep-to-bis-mol. I think its pesticides." Bakura said going into the gardening cabinet and pulling out some pesticides.

Ryou was relaxing at the beach when he heard his phone ringing.

"Please don't let it be who I think it is." Ryou prayed. "Dammit." He said. "Hello?" Ryou answered.

"Hi Ryou. How are you? How's your convention going?" Bakura asked nicely.

"What did you do?" Ryou asked.

"Promise you won't get mad?" Bakura asked.

"Depends." Ryou said.

"You know that thing…I was supposed to drink?" Bakura asked slowly.

"Yes…?" Ryou said.

"Well…I drank the wrong one. I drank something called plant food…pesticides." Bakura said.

Ryou hung up the phone and ignored whatever Bakura said and resumed relaxing in the sun.

The phone rang again.

"I have sprouts Ryou I'm a human tree man!" Bakura screamed.

Ryou got up from his chair and walked angrily back home.

"Bakura where are you?" Ryou asked.

He saw a patch of grass on the floor and kicked it.

"Hey Ryou." Bakura said.

"You never cease to amaze me. I drew you…a picture and everything." Ryou said.

"Marik blinded me…when he took off his shirt and I was in the need for the poopies and I didn't wanna go poopy so…I needed to drink the thingy…only I couldn't remember…and I was blind so I couldn't see anything." Bakura explained.

"We said it 30 times Bakura Pepto-Bismol, Pepto-Bismol, PEPTO-BISMOL!" Ryou screamed angrily.

"I'm sorry Ryou." Bakura said puling out the lawn mower.

"I don't know how you're not dead…pesticides is poison." Ryou said mowing Bakura's back.

"Lucky for me I'll never die…unless you die." Bakura said.

Ryou grabbed a knife and pointed it at his chest. "For…the sake of humanity." He said. He closed his eyes ready to stab himself.

"Oh Ryou my sandwich is this way. Thank you for cutting my sandwich. Knives are very dangerous you might want to point it—Marik ran through the door—right at him." Bakura said pointing the knife at Marik.

"Ooh are we playing pin the tail on the donkey!" Marik asked.

"Yea…and guess what!" Bakura gasped. "You're the jackass. Let's go stab him Ryou…end our misery!" Bakura said.

"Ryou wouldn't kill me…I imagined him…in a red bikini." Marik said.

"Ew." Bakura said.

Marik smiled innocently.

_Kill him Ryou. Please...I only have a few seconds left to…see. Kill him!_

Ryou grabbed Marik and tossed him outside. "You touch nothing! Nothing. Nada! You heard me. Nothing!" Ryou said slapping both Bakura's hands.

Bakura touched Ryou. "I touched you!" He giggled.

Ryou groaned and left for the beach again.

"Can touch nothing huh? Can't touch this dun dun dun daa daaa daa I'm touching it. Dun dun dun dun dun daaa can't touch this oooh but I'm touching it. Bakura sang. He went on a touching fiasco and touched everything in the house. "I touched the lamp…the wall…the roof…the bed…the picture frame…that bar of soap…that knife…that knife. Hmmmmmmm." Bakura said. He grabbed the knife and stabbed his gut. "Ow…that kinda hurt…is that what I've been doing to Ryou?" He asked himself.

He paced around the house and started watching TV tossing and turning to get comfortable on the couch.

"Uhhhhhhh!" He groaned. "What's this little lever thingy…between my legs?" He asked himself.

Ryou cell began to ring again.

"What!" He shouted.

Bakura was crying on the other line. "R-R-Ryou…I…I…voice starts cracking—I hurt myself!" He said crying hysterically.

"What did you do?" Ryou groaned.

"I was playing…with this little lever thingy…and…and…it broke!" He cried.

Ryou ran to the house and flung the door open. He saw Bakura's bloody pants and slapped his head.

"It…it hurts Ryou." Bakura cried.

Ryou moved closer to Bakura.

"Ow! Don't touch it!" He cried.

"Nice try Bakura. Its just ketchup. You little son of a—

"Bitch!" Marik screamed out the window.

"Ok. It was a prank. But it was only to get you to come back home. I'm lonely and bored. Stay with me please." Bakura begged on his knees.

Ryou sighed and couldn't resist Bakura begging and his puppy face.

"Aw come on I do a cuter one." Marik said doing the puppy face.

The door, the windows, the mirrors, Bakura's eyes and all glass…even in the cabinets broke into tiny pieces.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! My fucking eyes! Dammit shoot him!" Bakura screamed covering his eyes.

"Mairk…get the hell out of here." Ryou ordered.

"Marik…get the hell out of here." Marik mimicked him walking away.

"Alright Yami. You better behave or I'm bringing you back to the apartment." Ryou said.

"Yes Ryou." Bakura said.

"Here put these one." Ryou said passing him some swimming shorts.

Bakura started stripping.

"Not in here! Hello are you stupid!" Ryou asked covering his eyes.

"Just stay like that I'm too lazy to walk to the bathroom." Bakura said slipping on his shorts. "Now! ToViridian city!" Bakura said pointing out the door.

"Pokemon?" Ryou asked.

"Bored out of my mind." Bakura said.

"Don't blame ya. Let's go." Ryou said.

Bakura jumped on Ryou's back. "Piggy back ride!" He screamed.

Ryou wobbled and tripped down the stairs with Bakura on his back riding him like a Toboggan. (If you don't know what a Toboggan look it up in the Internet lol)

They walked on the hot concrete and Ryou's feet were burning making him tear.

"Walk faster Ryou!" Bakura screamed slapping his back.

"Ow. Ow. Ooh. Eee. Oow. Bakura you walk on the ground and give me a piggy back ride." Ryou said hopping on Bakura's back and sighing in relief.

Bakura started screaming and knocked Ryou down on the hot concrete. "Ow. My feet have entered hell no not yet! I have so much to live for in life! No! Not yet!" Bakura said screaming and running to the sand.

Ryou had a massive burn mark on his back and sighed when he reached his beach chair.

"I'm in Egypt again! My home! Oh glory who knew Egypt was right around the corner!" Bakura screamed picking up sand.

Ryou groaned in embarrassment when he saw people looking, pointing and laughing at Bakura.

"I don't remember water in Egypt…at least not like this. I just got this…this massive thirst. I think I'll go drink some." Bakura said running up to the water.

Marik was soaking near the shore and saw Bakura in some yellow vibrant shorts. "Oh…I have to piss now." He said swimming near Bakura.

Bakura started drinking the salty eater and felt the water get hot. He let it all slip out his mouth when he saw Marik pissing in the section of water he was drinking. "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Bakura screamed licking the sand. "Ewwwwwwwwww!" He screamed spitting sand out.

He sat in the sand making sand castle like a little kid and Yami Marik came up to him.

"Watch'cha makin'?" Yami Marik asked.

"The tower…of Bakura!" Bakura said happily.

"Now it's tower of nothing!" Yami Marik said kicking it all into Bakura's eyes and running away.

Bakura sniffed and stuck his bottom lip out.

"Hey Bakura. Did my Yami ruin your castle? Don't feel bad…he ruined Mariktopia." Marik said.

"I'd hate to live there." Bakura mumbled.

"I'll help you build a new one." Marik said sitting beside him and starting to draw with a stick.

Bakura cocked an eyebrow and saw he was drawing himself holding hands with someone else. "That's you! Tea taught me how to draw friends!" Marik said throwing himself on Bakura and hugging him. "You're my be-e-e-e-e-est friend! She told me to say that you know." Marik said hugging his life out.

"Ryou! My body! It's dying on me! Marik's body is making my body dissolve! It's like acid! Help Ryou!" Bakura screamed.

Marik got off Bakura and smiled at him. "You're in a blue bikini." He said smiling innocently.

"O…………k………….?" Bakura said moving away from him.

He decided to get in the water and floated on his backside. He felt something pinch his toe and started slamming on the water and making a scene. "Oow! Ow! Someone help me! Ow! My foot! It's being eaten by a fish!" He screamed.

Everyone scurried from the water and screamed like sissy little girls.

"Like Marik." Bakura cut in. He continued screaming.

Ryou ran to the water and grabbed Bakura's hand. He saw a little tiny fish sucking on his big toe and slapped him. "You scared everyone you dummy!" Ryou screamed.

"It…it was scary." Bakura said trying to get the fish off his toe.

"Uh Bakura you're unbelievable." Ryou said groaning.

"No! Don't leave me you never hang out with me anymore. Come in the wawa with me pwease!" Bakura begged sticking his bottom lip out and doing the puppy face.

"I can do that too watch—Noooooooo!" Everyone screamed interrupting Marik.

"Fine…I see how it is you little bitches." Marik said angrily.

Ryou got in the water with his little floating devices on and held on Bakura with dear life. "I can't swim Bakura…don't do anything stupid ok?" Ryou said.

"Sure ok whatever." Bakura said tugging on the little air socket of the life saver on Ryou's arm making it deflate.

Ryou waved his arm and tried to swim. He swallowed a lot of water and started choking…for the 100th time.

"You do CPR now Marik." Yami Marik said.

Marik ran to Ryou's rescue and pulled him out of the water. "Breathe!" He screamed doing the Heimlich maneuver.

Bakura ran to Ryou and slapped his face. "You can't die on me Ryou. I don't want to die yet!" He screamed.

_Yes…I should die. To kill him and get him out of my life forever!_

Bakura pushed Marik and covered Ryou's nose. "I saw this on Bay watch…or Babe watch I dunno. I'm a professional." Bakura said blowing air into Ryou's mouth…and drooling.

Ryou spit at Bakura and gasped for air. "Ew! You spit in my mouth." He said.

"I saved Ryou. I'm a hero!" Bakura said hugging Ryou. "Let's go back in the water." He said carrying Ryou back in the water and tossing him in.

"I can't swim Bakura come here!" Ryou cried. He held onto Bakura scrambling till he was basically on his head.

"Like my new hat? It's the latest fashion. It's called the Ryou." Bakura said fluffing the "hat."

"It would look better in a red bikini." Marik said.

Bakura covered his eyes and walked away from Marik to prevent blindness.

Bakura saw a boat at the other side of the ocean and pointed at it. "Look at the pretty boat! Is Popeye on it? I saw Popeye today he better be on it." Bakura said swimming to it.

"No! Bakura no! Don't swim far! No Bakura the tiburónes (sharks) are over there!" Ryou screamed crying.

"We'll be ok." Bakura said swimming to the boat.

Just then…dun dun…(little shark theme) dun dun…

"Oh no…it's that song!" Ryou screamed.

Dun dun…dun dun dun (song picks up pace)

Ryou pissed on Bakura.

"Aww shit Ryou. First I drank piss and now you piss on me!" Bakura screamed.

Dun dun daa daaaaaaa (song ends) Marik pops out.

Ryou fainted on Bakura. Bakura was blind.

"What'cha doing?" Marik asked.

Then…again… dun dun (shark theme again) dun dun…

Ryou wakes up and screams steering Bakura near a wave that was going to shore.

Why are you all—Marik got eaten by a shark.

"Heavens above you have answered my prayers. I promise to be a good little boy from now on." Bakura said happily. "Not." He grumbled.

"We heard that." The gods said.

"Damn gods." Bakura grumbled.

"And that too." They said.

Bakura groaned. Ryou ran to shore rocking in fetal position.

"Want a hot dog?" Yugi asked Ryou walking up to him.

"What the fuck are you wearing!" Bakura asked looking at Yugi's scuba gear.

"I get hurt a lot so…it's like my scuba armor and huggies diapers…in case I pee pee in my panties." Yugi explained.

Yami Yugi came and stood next to Yugi eating a hot dog.

"Hurray for huggies!" Yugi squeaked happily.

"Hey Bakura…you look like a banana." Yami Yugi laughed.

"Oh yea and you look the whole fruit cup." Bakura said.

"Wanna make something of it!" Yami Yugi asked throwing his hot dog on Yugi ready to start a fight with Bakura.

"Yea hoe. Bring it on bitch!" Bakura said getting in fighting position.

"Let's get ready to rumbl-l-l-l-l-l-e! Dun dun dun daa daa daa daa dun dun dun dun dun daa Aaa!" Bakura sang doing the cha cha.

Yami Yugi touched him and screamed running away like a sissy little girl.

"Oh no he didn't just touch me. Nah-uh shanaynay." Bakura said snapping his fingers and running after him.

He came running back a few minutes' later waving Yami Yugi's shorts in the air like a flag.

"Hurray for the gay colors. Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na! Hey! Oompa loompa. Yugi's an oompa loompa." Bakura sang throwing Yami Yugi's shorts in the water so the shark that ate Marik could eat it.

"Ryou…Yami Yugi…he has no lever…he has a croissant or an apple not a banana like me or you. You have a banana right? Right! Tell me you have a banana!." Bakura screamed to Ryou.

Ryou scrunched his face and heard Bakura giggle.

Bakura sneaked over to Yami Marik who was now making a sand castle.

Bakura jumped and stepped on his castle stepping on a broken bottle.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! You purposely put that there!" Bakura screamed sucking on his foot.

"No shit Sherlock I knew you'd want revenge. Hot dog?" Yami Marik offered.

"Sure." Bakura said kindly forgetting about the bottle foot-bleeding incident.

He ate his hot dog happily and heard squawking. "Ryou look at the pretty—the birds swooped down and started pecking him—Ow! Ow! Son of a bitch!" Bakura screamed running to get away from them. "My hot dog!" He screamed when he saw the seagull steal his hot dog right from his hand. "Get back here with my hot dog! I'm hungry you damn birds!" He screamed running after them and stepping over everyone's beach spot ruining their stuff.

The shark that ate Marik pulled a Lolita the whale and splashed drowning all the birds and eating the hot dog as if a dog had found a chew toy to play with. "Grrrr! Grrrr! Grrr!" The shark growled shaking his head quickly and ripping the hot dog.

"My…my weenie dog." Bakura wept.

"Here have another." Yami Marik said.

"Thanks." Bakura said forgetting he ever lost the other one.

Everything was quiet. Ryou was tanning…more like getting sunburned because Bakura didn't put lotion on him…ever. Bakura was sitting on the floor putting seaweed in his hair and saying "Oh I'm Yugi I'm soo pretty let's go find a guy to make out with because…I'm too hot for girls and I like being gay." He then started laughing like the Pillsbury doughboy when he poked his own stomach.

Just then…a shark came onto land looking green and sick. "Oh damn…that boy gave me diarrhea." The shark said.

"You're not alone." Bakura said.

The shark groaned and took a dump on the land letting Marik out.

"I'm alive…I can fly…I'm ali-i-i-i-i-ive I can fly!" Marik sang getting out of the shit dramatically.

"Oh shit!" Bakura screamed.

Marik rinsed in the water and saw all the little dead fishies floating around him. "Aww they want a hug from me." He said hugging and kissing them all.

Bakura ignored Marik and started digging a hole.

"What are you doing?" Ryou asked sitting next to him.

"Digging a hole to the other side of the world." Bakura said digging quickly with both hands.

"You won't make it." Ryou said.

"Why do you always have to think so negative? I will make it just you watch." Bakura said digging deeper.

"Can you put sun block on me? I'm going to take a little nap after I use the john." Ryou said yawning.

_Who's John? Gasp! He's cheating on me…with John…what an A. _"Sure I'll put sun block on you…after you tell me who this john fellow is." Bakura said suspiciously.

"It's where you take a shit." Ryou said.

"Marik?" Bakura guessed.

"…Yea…that." Ryou said walking away.

A few hours later…

Ryou awoke from his nap and saw his hand print on his stomach and the rest of his body all red with sunburn. "Damn Bakura." He said trying not to crinkle his skin. "Bakura! Let's go! It's getting late!" He screamed. He looked in the hole and saw a really deep hole with air coming out. "…He made it." Ryou said shocked.

"Marik…you want to see me in a red bikini?" Ryou asked nicely.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes!"" Marik said sticking out his tongue like a dog getting air out from the window.

"Fetch Bakura for me." Ryou said patting his head.

"Righto." Marik said jumping in the hole and screaming like there was no end…each scream fading even more.

Bakura came out from nowhere and poked Ryou's shoulder.

"Ow." Ryou said.

"Let's go home…the Chinese people are mean." Bakura said grabbing the beach ball and tossing it in the air.

He saw Yami Yugi still naked walking naked as if it were all good.

"Yami Yugi's got a white ass." Bakura said. "Not to mention tiny. Nothing like my big ass. Oh…I love you butt." Bakura said trying to kiss his butt. He went around in circles trying to kiss his butt and gave up when he couldn't.

"Let's go you crazy Yami who didn't put sun block on me and now I look like a tomato." Ryou said.

"But you're a Ryou tomato." Bakura said patting his shoulder roughly.

Ryou screamed and cried running away from Bakura.

At home…

"Look the mail." Ryou said. "A greeting card?" He opened the greeting card.

_Nihau,_

_I'm here in china. Boy…it's pretty here. I won't be home for a while. These people really like the smell of shit. I'm famous and I'm getting the best treatment. They think I'm a god because I'm the first Chinese tan man. Cough cough. See you soon. Ryou…you better be in the red bikini when I get back. Hopefully…they won't find out I'm not Chinese. _

_Love Marik_

"Yes! Marik's gone!" Bakura cheered.

"He'll be back." Ryou said.

"No let the Chinese kill him and let me go on seeing the light!" Bakura screamed getting on his knees.

"Poor Bakura. Go take a bath you smell like shit." Ryou said.

"Marik's not around." Bakura said.

Ryou groaned.

"I had fun today Ryou. I totally forgot I had poopies. Thank you Ryou. I love hanging out with you you're so much fun." Bakura said skipping away into the bathroom.

"He wants something…" Ryou whispered to himself not buying Bakura's Girl Scout cookies act.

Next the…whatever comes after the trilogy and after that and that and whatever…BAKURA'S TRIP TO THE DENTIST YAY!


End file.
